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| Ok so today was a good day, went to visit Sean and we are hanging out tonight. That shall be fun. I'm tired. I have had a ruff weekend i went out with some friends last night and got really upset b/c no matter how hard i try i can't get over some one. I made some mistakes and ugh! I just want to hear him call me "babyTrav" one more time, or talk to me, or even look at me. We didn't date very long but i loved him, shit i still do, more than anyone i have ever dated, but now he's all with my ex and it's a mess and really at this point i don't care because i am rambling and ranting mindlessly on and on. So today was nice having the day off but i have a performance tomorrow and will miss school then. Well, i gtg get ready to go out, i'll update soon, cya | | |
| ==>More//
yeah there's more to my life, i've been so busy lately i know but this is life. I am on a different site now where i write stuff, and if you want it i can give it to ya. Anyway i stopped using this site cause my friend found it but now i don't give a fuk what he or anyone thinks. Why haven't i writen? Well lets see life was good, i mean i was happy, but that was just temporary, like i say happiness is just an illusion. Oh well right, it's just karma. "Seems like karma's making it's round, but karma's gonna visit you to, you gotta pay for the things you put me through. i hope you do. i hope you do". Great song. Anyway yeah things are bad right now but i'm taking it well. I have learned to channel the hate others give to me in to loathing for them, it works. So anyway i guess you can say i'm back and now with vengance, because i'm sure people i don't want reading this will, but maybe it will "improve communication" who knows. "Let all be agreed I'm wicked through and through"
-Cya, yours truely, Tragic_Hero | | |
| -->Update//
¤Alright yesterday was a good day, i talked on the phone w/ James all night. He embarrased the shit out of me by reading this out loud with me on the phone... Oh well i only wrote good things, not about how cocky he is. LOL JK ( I know your reading). I had a good day today my friend Courtney got back in town which was great so we went to jack in the box for lunch and ate. It was good stuff! James is going out of town this weekend, he left today at 4:30 and sent me a text that said "Woo Seatle here i come" corny but cute! His texts make my day, he also called me at lunch to say goodbye (so sweet). Anyway i am acing Algebra 2 and that excites me! James and i talk on the phone all night usually because he doesn't sleep but since he is gone i will be catching up on my sleep b4 he returns. I hope he sleeps while he's there, and doesn't stay up all night on the phone w/ some one else.... lol. I hope he has fun, and well doesn't hook up w/ anyone but since we aren't technically dating it's his perogotive. I trust him enough that if he did he would tell me, i think. Anyway there's another part to this article that i'll have to write it later because its kindof messy. And he doesn't know if he reads it it won't be cool, because i don't plan to tell him till later. So good day today and i pray for a good day tomorrow.¤
Your --> Tragic_Her0 | | |
| Hey, i have to tell this story... I used to go to private school. TCA to be exact. The school wasn't a good enviornment for me, but i had my crew and we were cool but the rest of the school hated me. I didn't care, well that's a lie i did, it hurt but ya know whatever. I knew a guy there, James. He was so nice to me and really really cute, we were never what you'd call friends but i thought he was cool. I then went to SHS, which is a public school, and had a big change. I started acting on my bisexual tendancies then and started to develop in to my own person, who i really was. Then i moved on to PWSH (where is still am) where i proceeded to have my first boyfriend, Sean. Sean is... well we dated for a few months, it was crazy but we liked each other. He was a 19 year old and i am only 17. This wasn't strage for me becasue i like older guys, and younger girls so it worked out great. And we had a harsh break up where he revealed that he was just using me and "was fun while it lasted." I was crushed bu that's not the point of this article. My friend Kristen called me up explaining how one of her good friends was gay. She said she was affraid of things changing with them, i told her nothing would change. She at the time had no clue i was bi and so after that I was hesitant to tell her. Her gay friend was James. I was asked by Kristen to go to home comming with her at TCA. Of course I did. At the game i purposefully sought him out and tried to talk to him. I tried to lay subtle hints to him that I was interested but i still didn't want Kristen to know. James still looked great, as adorable as ever and yet now even hotter because he is gay. I was back where i was freshman year, staring at i guy i wanted but still couldn't have. Saterday. Saterday we (Kristen and I) went to dinner where she told me something was up. She asked about my sexuality, and i avoided the question. She then told me James had said that i "was adorable. Perfect for me." I was extatic. HE LIKED ME! I couldn't believe it, it was like a dream, i didn't believe it at all... This is where the dream starts.... We went to the dance, where my secret goal was get his number. Well of course he was late and so Kristen and i chilled for a while then finally he strolled in. Looking georgous as usual and he came up to me. I didn't piss my self but said hey instead. Kristen ran off and we talked. I, later that evening, told him was gay. He seemed shocked, and was like ok. I thought i had screwed things up royally but was relieved when he asked me for my number. He said "you are gay right? Not just fuking with me?" I was like oh wow, yeah I am but why would any one joke like that. He let me know it had been done before. Kristen, still oblivious, asked him over to watch movies with us after. James of course was busy, and i wanted to die, but he agreed to come with us. My dad was out of town that night so the plan was to stay at kristen's. James said he was going to stay the night to... OMG! This dream gets better. We watch a terrible movie then go to bed. James and I slept in the same room and talked for hours. I found out what he had been up to these past few years. I told him that Kristen revealed to me his feelings. He was embarassed but he got over it. He then invited me over to his bed where i, bursting with happiness, went. We layed next to each other in complete bliss. That is the best moment of my life, laying there with some one i felt i had known forever, being there with some one who could turn out to be a great friend, boyfriend, or just person that i knew. We made out and my mind and body were in heaven, he is utterly amazing. I fell for him, completely. I NEVER go that far on the 1st night, but again i have known him since freshman year. We messed around till 7:30 in the morning.... Then i had to go. I thought i had dreamed it all up but you can't dream in a dream can you? He text me wiht "was it all a dream" honestly i didn't know how to answer. We spent the next 2 nights on the phone and i didn't sleep at all. Finally last night i slept, so good. Then we went to lunch yesterday and today and i asked him to homecomming. Now what? I am so affraid, i am so affraid i will wake up one day and it will all be fake, that this whole expieriance will have never happened, and James will be gone. My biggest frear is to wake up knowing that he doesn't really like me, it's all just a figment of my imagination. I really hope he doesnt' read this but stupid me gave him the site. Tennessee Williams said "I have learned in life that only dreams are true" And Maggie Smith says "Happiness is often times an illusion, but what's wrong with that at the moment i am happy and what else matters?" | | |
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